Living in a state of chaos can shape our definitions of survival, purpose, and love. For some, doing everything possible to cut out chaos is how we show love.
Shirzad Chamine, the author of “Positive Intelligence”, explained that growing up in chaos and unhappiness can drive a person to always want to do everything well. Fixing problems, making other people’s lives easier, and making people happy will make you happy. The concern with that idea is you cannot control what makes other people happy and to what extent. You may spend time doing a lot for other people that does not make them happy, which then makes you unhappy.
From a life purpose perspective, consider that the problem you are trying to fix for someone else is theirs to fix. Maybe the problem is supposed to help them grow. So, if you fix someone else’s problem, you may rob them of their ability to learn a life lesson and to grow as a person. This is a very hard thing to acknowledge, especially if that someone is a loved one. For example, if a loved one is a drug addict and their addiction is harming them, you may want very much to help them. You want to fix them and make them happy so that they will not need to turn to drugs. But at what point does trying to help them start to weigh on you to the point of harming you.
You cannot deplete your energy trying to solve someone else’s problem and expect not to create problems for yourself. You would be robbing yourself of the chance to be happy. While it is hard to watch your loved one make a mistake, you have to respect that it is their choice to make. Once you have done your due diligence to be supportive and let them know that you love them, accept them and the choices they have made. Everyone has free will, and everyone has a life lesson that they need to learn on their own.
Kelly Nembhard is a certified health coach, Reiki therapist, crystal healer, and aromatherapist with experience as a clinical research professional and developmental biologist. She currently lives in Durham, NC.
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